we rise and we fall and we break

The Signs As Suburban Dads

Aries: John, Age 43. 4 kids. The dad that gets really competitive in neighborhood cooking/BBQ contests. Wears a lot of polo shirts, probably a DILF. Was really wild as a teenager and his wild side still probably shows through a lot.
Taurus: Thomas, Age 42. 3 kids. The dad that loves to spoil his kids and take them to lots of baseball games. Treats his daughter(s) like princesses and his son(s) like royalty. Loves going to neighborhood block parties, although always tends to drink a bit too much at them. Major DILF, has all his daughter's friends swooning.
Gemini: Ian, Age 45. 3 kids. Loves his kids and wife more than anything, is always trying to show off for them and please them. Goes to every single one of their kids' sports games and probably has coached at least 3 baseball teams.
Cancer: Brian, Age 41. 2 kids. A major stay-at-home dad. Is very smart and is always helping his kids with their homework. Wears a lot of hats and enjoys golfing any chance he gets. Probably really tall.
Leo: Steve, Age 45. 5+ kids. The typical BBQ dad. Loves throwing house/block parties, always tends to drink way too much at these. Loves his trophy wife, probably sells weed throughout the neighborhood.
Virgo: Nathan, Age 46. 1 kid. Is very quiet and reserved at parties, doesn't really like to socialize much. His favorite time of the week is family game night, where he gets super competitive. Loves cooking dinner for his family, makes the best meals ever.
Libra: Chuck, Age 47. 2 kids. Used to always smoke cigars, recently switched to vaping since it is way more 'hip'. Loves going out at night to bars and stuff with his wife, smokes a lot of weed and probably has a twitter, snapchat, instagram, and tumblr.
Scorpio: Chris, Age 41. 2 kids. Makes a lot of dad jokes, wears a lot of baseball hats. Is always making business calls on his blackberry, gets super into holidays and always makes it a competition to buy the best gifts. Volunteers at the school a lot. Hates his mother-in-law.
Sagittarius: Mark, Age 42. 4 kids. The "cool" dad. Is always trying to keep up with the new trends, always wants to take his kids hiking and to baseball games and just outside doing stuff. Is probably super tall, eats a LOT at dinner, major DILF.
Capricorn: Jeff, Age 46. 3 kids. Has a strong disliking towards the neighbors, is always traveling on business trips and stuff. His favorite day of the year is 'take your kid to work' day. Bought the biggest house he could find for his family. Has a really obnoxious mom.
Aquarius: Michael, Age 43. 2 kids. Watches a lot of sports, is always playing golf on the weekends and in his free-time. Secret stoner, sneaks out to the porch to sneak a quick joint way more often than he probably should. The "fun" dad, gets into fights at his kids' sports games and adores his wife more than anything.
Pisces: Tim, Age 44. 3 kids. The hot dad. All of his daughter's friends are so obviously in love with him. Has a trophy wife, loves drinking champagne and fancy drinks. Dresses in polo shirts and khakis, works a lot but always manages to make time for his family.